Lewis Carroll

(From through the
Looking Glass
and What Alice
Found There)
1872

*****************

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

*****************

We have reproduced this wonderful poem here, it seemed a shame not to share the whole thing although we have highlighted the verses most relevant to the point we wish to make, because despite being written in 1872, we believe that the lessons it can teach us today are just as relevant as they were then, as highlighted by the latest HIP’s debacle and the Government's attempts to obfuscate its way out of embarrassment and criticism.

Lets take a look at the definition of the verb ‘to obfuscate’ which according to thefreedictionary.com means ‘to make so confused or opaque as to be difficult to perceive or understand’. In the poem, do you notice the Walrus’s brilliant attempts to obfuscate his true intention towards the poor little oysters? "The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--Of cabbages--and kings--And why the sea is boiling hot--And whether pigs have wings." We may feel sorry for the oysters but in a way it was their naivety and lack of common sense that led them into danger; after all, what would have possessed them to have trusted a walrus in the first place? You could argue from a less generous viewpoint that they had it coming.

Lately we have seen our fine Government make some apparently abrupt U turns on property related issues, the most recent of which being the virtual withdrawal of the much vaunted sellers pack (HIPS) a subject we speculated on in detail in these pages only a few weeks ago. In actual fact, as of now the pack has not been completely withdrawn, it is the home condition report, a kind of runt like survey paid for by the seller and the most significant component of the pack which has been made non compulsory; its believed that its inclusion at this stage could de-stabilise the market. The other recent property related U turn was regarding the proposed changes to SIPPS (self invested personal pensions to you). These have not been withdrawn; however the proposed change to allow us to place residential property into them was dropped at the last minute. Perhaps the Government has got it in for anything that rhymes with IPS (which would tie in neatly with our poetic theme) so we can probably look forward to the imminent withdrawal of WHIPS (meaning MP’s will no longer be forced to vote the party line whether they agree with it or not) and TRIPS (which would appear bad news for John Prescott and Tony Blair who seem to take a great many trips at taxpayers expense).

In each of these cases there is a parallel with Lewis Carroll's poem. Substitute the Walrus and the Carpenter for the Government and the Civil Service, and the oysters for those poor naïve companies and individuals who have been lulled into following them mindlessly down a road which leads nowhere, and you will see what we mean. Take Rightmove, the property portal, who invested millions into setting up systems designed to cope with the promised 'brave new world' which would follow the introduction of HIPS - incidentally a promise on which a good part of its share price was built, it being expected Rightmove would cash in heavily on the new packs. The recent announcement changed all that and led to an immediate 20% fall in their share price.

Or consider the individuals who have set out to become home inspectors and have spent money on training for a job that may never be created, and if it is for which there may never be any demand. So what was the obfuscation all about? In the case of HIPS, as we have already pointed out, the hidden agenda has always been the implementation of an environmental rating survey of every home in Britain, something which has now been revealed by the Housing Minister Yvette Cooper as the most important part of the proposed reform. Take a look at her latest statement:

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*Statement made on 19.7.06 by Yvette Cooper The Minister for Housing and Planning

(Yvette Cooper): I am today setting out further details of the Government’s implementation strategy and dry run for Home Information Packs (HIPs).

The aims of the HIPs programme

The aims of the government’s reforms to the home buying and selling process are three fold:

(i) to provide home owners with important energy efficiency information about their homes to help them cut fuel bills and carbon emissions. This is vital as homes account for 27% of Britain’s carbon emissions. Energy Performance Certificates will provide clear information about the energy efficiency of homes and how that can be improved. The Energy Saving Trust estimate that following the advice in Energy Performance Certificates could save the average home owner up to £300 a year on their fuel bills The government believes it is important to implement these as early as possible given the importance of reducing carbon emissions.

(ii) to benefit consumers by cutting waste and duplication, speeding up home sales and reducing the number of failed transactions, which at present cost consumers around £350m a year in wasted costs.

(iii) to encourage and support long term transformation of the home buying and selling industry by introducing greater transparency and competition to drive down costs and incentivise better service and clearer redress for consumers.

***********************************************

Surely you notice the startling parallel with the agenda put forward by the Walrus ‘and whether pigs have wings?' speculation and Ms Cooper's rather less interesting comments. Lets face it, when it comes to buying a property we are all intensely concerned with energy conservation, especially if it's going to save us 300 notes a year! Anyone can see that to make these savings it's clearly essential that we have some flimsy report on which we can base our property buying decision. Even the most irresponsible of us must see how stupid it would be to allow a property to be sold without such a report being in place and the need to make any seller who dares market a property without one into a criminal! We know that sarcasm is the lowest form of whit, but please excuse our indulgence in this instance, we cite extreme provocation as our mitigation.

Our feeling is that the lesson to be learned here is a simple one - ‘DON’T GET SUCKED IN’. Our attitude to SIPPS, allowing residential properties to be purchased tax free, was not to make big plans about how we would cash in on the change, actually we didn’t even mention the subject to our clients partly because it looked mad to us and partly because there was no point in reacting ahead of time; better to wait and see and let everyone else waste their time and money preparing for something that never happened. The chances are that if it had have been implemented there would have been an unforeseen change which would have rendered all prior plans redundant anyway.

Yet another example of this kind of thing is the upcoming Tenancy Deposit scheme which will make it illegal for a Landlord or Agent to hold a tenants deposit without being part of a special scheme to ensure fair play at the end of the tenancy. Now there is an argument with which we have some sympathy which says it is not fair on tenants that some landlords and their agents treat the deposit as an extra months rent, and something needs to be done about it. On the other hand you wouldn’t believe the way in which even basically simple reform can be corrupted, manipulated and hijacked by interest groups whose only motivation is to big themselves up at everyone elses expense. Hence the efforts by certain industry bodies to get behind the reforms and use them as a recruitment drive to bully independent agents into joining their ranks.We will return to this subject in a later newsletter and discuss its implications for the buy to let market.

Of course there is a fine line between not being sucked in and burying ones head in the sand, the favorite occupation of those of us who claim not to be sucked in. As we all know burying ones head in the sand is a popular occupation and one with many obvious benefits. Think about it, if you bury your head in the sand you will never see it coming, so no need to worry; can’t say fairer than that can we? Oh dear, more sarcasm we fear, and in this case uncalled for, because it just so happens that the mere fact that you receive this newsletter marks you out as different to most people because you have made the first step towards taking control of your financial future. You have identified the problem and are looking for a viable solution. Whether or not you decide the solution is buying property as an investment is up to you, our job is to convince you that if you decide to buy property as an investment, it would be better to do so with our help than going it alone.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

Choices Acquisitions and Investments
01342 840000