Note : This is a satirical article
We all worry about how safe our home is, if you are anything like me you’ll unplug all the appliances in the home except the fridge when you leave, when you go on holiday you’ll worry that something will happen almost every day and at night you’ll jump at any creak or bump just in case it’s an intruder. OK, so I’ve watched too many horror movies, but it can happen, people do get burgled and attacked in their own homes, this showcase shows some ways that other people have decided to deal with this problem,in their own special way.
1- Landmines in the garden
You could buy some from that friend of yours in the Sudan and lie them all across your new lawn. If your bury them nice and neat you won’t even be able to see where they are.. erm.
For: If you hide them well enough and put up a sign it’ll make burglars think twice
Against: You won’t be able to mow your lawn or you’ll get blow up
2 – Buy a pet Alligator
You could buy a big old gator and make a nice pond for him out the back of your house, the idea that they are messing with an alligator is certainly going to mess with any criminals mind.
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For: It will defiantly put off any would be burglars
Against: Impossibly to train, you might end up as it’s lunch
3 – Build a Killer Robot
Killer Robots are great for scaring things away, also since you have built it you can make it do your bidding, like gardening, making tea (if its gigantic this might be an issue) and walking to dog.
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For: Would do anything for you
Against: Might be beyond your skill set and could cost your Billions to make
4 – Grow Evil Grass
This is great as no one will believe you have evil grass, i mean its grass right, oh wait that’s not good, it means local kids will most likely cross your Evil lawn and sink into the grasses hideous depths.
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For: Its pretty cool and no one else on your street will have it
Against: You might get done for murder if the cops find bodies under your lawn
5 – Breed Killer Sheep
No one but those pesky burglars will believe that the sheep you let roam free around your house at night are killers. How will they know this, because if those burglars step foot on your lawn in the night intent on robbing you, these yews will get busy on their ass.
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For: Sheep make wool which could allow you to run a profitable business from home
Against: Sheep are generally docile and so would not be much use against tress-passers
6 – Use Deadly Quicksand
You could dig a moat around your entire property with a draw bridge to gain access and fill the moat will deadly quicksand.
For: It would make your home more like a castle and people might pay to visit you thinking you have some sort of royal heritage
Against: You might get pissed one night and fall in, you would die
7 – Capture some Zombies
Capturing zombies would be hard, but if you did you could chain them up in your back yard to catch any naughty burglars. Imagine the look on their faces as they tried to break into your back down and found themselves surrounded by hungry zombies.
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For: So long as you have some strong chains, Zombies would be pretty low maintenance as they are already dead
Against: If they did get free you’d be responsible for the end of the world and they would really stink and upset your neighbours
8 – A Gigantic Wall
Ok, so if you can’t find any zombies and you think evil grass is a little risky, why not just build a giant wall all around your house. Burglar would think twice about scaling it because, lets face it they steal cos they are lazy.
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For: You would be able to see your entire neighbourhood from the top of your wall
Against: It would throw your house and those of your neighbours into darkness and would not make your popular.
9 – Make it look like a prison
no criminal in their right mind would break into jail, so if you make your house look like one, they will avoid you.
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For: You would have tons of bedrooms and could perhaps rent them all out and make some extra money.
Against: If Michael Scofield was in town this plan really would not work
10 – Get a huge angry dog
For: Cheap to buy and easy to train
Against: You might have to have it put down if it tears them apart 
Guest Post: Geordie is an active blogger and has been guest blogging for a number of years now; her interest in this topic came from being consistently asked about pc security by mates and typical pc help questions by people’s mothers.
Geordie is an active blogger and has been guest blogging for a number of years now; her interest in this topic came from being consistently asked about 
